[20] on fear
Some of the worst things that happened to me were the ones that I didn't anticipate. I didn't think that event would happen, but it did. Usually the worst thing that I thought would happen didn't happen. Then I thought about how I handled it. It wasn't perfect. I handled it with the current resources, the current emotional capacity I had. In the end, I survived. Probably still need to work on my inner self, but I survived. I just know, deep in my heart, I will walk out of it, even crawl my way out if I don't have any choice left. I'm alive despite everything and I will survive until my time is up. So, why the fear?
I have a depersonalized moment after that event, where the numbness was the only feeling I could grasp. It was rough, and even the aftermath still lingers until today. It took me a while to address it, but I did, and I'm proud to see how long I've been walking away from it. It's not a sprint but a constant, step by step. I have no greater fear left after that event. I have proved to myself that if I need to crawl, I'll crawl. I trust myself enough that I can make a good decision in the future. So even with fear, it doesn't matter.
trust yourself,
reesa