the price of everything
on the price I'm willing to pay
Diary:
Hi,
I have been thinking about the time I spent looking and admiring certain influencers on social media. I would say I tend to admire their material possessions. On how big their houses were, how fast their cars, how expensive their handbags and how cool their niche styles. I won't say I'm better than anyone for feeling the slight regret of admiring something like this. It's normal as a social creature, to have that kind of motivation and strive to be better. But in my case, I always fantasised, dreaming about those things more than anything. Yet things changed over the years. I did have a lucky strike for a moment to feel the dopamine rush of getting what I wanted for years.
I'm grateful for what I had but the rush ended because of the price that came with it. I realised that I didn't really want it. I didn't want to spend too much time keeping it in good conditions nor having that much capital to outsource the maintenance. It's good when it lasts, but nothing's wrong in letting go for some peace in my mind. I guess, the end of something is the beginning of everything else.
I talked about materials, but it can be anything else in life. I no longer reminiscing the 'what-if' and the other path, because those path doesn't exist. The decision I take, the path, the current moment is real, is the one within my control. I'll try to be mindful of those price that come with something.
Updates
Musings:
Funny thing, after cancelling Netflix, I thought I gonna watch Youtube more but no, not really. I haven't feel bored for a long time and I feel content by it.
Reading Log:
I read Scarlet Kisses because I'm curious about those vintage, old romance novel. The storyline is all over the place. I feel entertained but I think I deserve to read something good after this to wash off those story. I'm more than halfway through On The Road but currently in the mood for Spring Snow again. I read that at 21. Let's see if my perspective had changed at 28.
