[27] wanting enough is personal
I have been contemplating my wants for a few months. Probably because I have a dream of getting married and having a child one day. In this economy, it can be tough, I know I can make it but, you know, I'm still anxious for some reason (future reesa will figure it out). In this modern culture, it's admirable to have materialistic wealth. If you have a house, a good car, a stable job (just the title is enough)- you will get more respect. People will have something to say, a topic to brag about, although they don't know about your struggle. Maybe money does change other people more than yourself. It is weird that you feel indifferent about it when people hype it up like they are the one in your shoes, facing everyday.
This come from the need to see our families thrive (that's why they celebrate the success of other people) so they encourage more and more success. Success allow us to exchange expertise and transfer wealth to the needs but everything come with a price. The people-pleaser trait that almost ruin my life. At this stage, I just want enough and not more than that. Enough is personal, since people have different threshold to be considered as enough. It baffles my family if I voice out my opinion about this. [What do you mean you want to quit your job and make art? You won't get rich that way. You should look at your cousin. They already have a house. Take a look at her jewelries. You can afford that too if you work hard. You should spend your money to show how much you can afford. What would (extended-families) say? They will ridicule you.]
If the world is as ideal as it can get and working part time job can give me enough money to survive, I'll do that instead. In the end, I know my 'enough' is still a privilege for some. My 'enough' will still let me help people. My 'enough' is not material and I hope they can understand.
tired of proving,
reesa